Monday, February 06, 2006

Time flies like an arrow

I've always wondered how people manage to forget parts of their lives that leave a strong imprint. A traumatic event, a long relationship that went sour, loss... does it always keep coming back around when you're by yourself? Do you fear being by yourself just because your past comes back up to the surface when there's no "now" to distract yourself with?

Maybe reality is just the drug we need to blot out parts of our lives we'd rather forget about. Especially on days when you're absolutely sure that there's no way in hell you're going to remember what happened five minutes from now. Days when you look at your watch too often, wishing the hours to fly by, while secretly hoping they're stored away and you can claim them later with interest. Saved away, but in this case, for the occasional sunny day when the only thing that worries you is that the day has to end at some point. That's when you wish you could just reach into that store of time and pull an hour or three, kicking and struggling, back to reality. Back to where they have meaning to someone.

I dont get to hear much of what happens in people's heads, but I sometimes get a rare glimpse of someone in a similar state. It could be that it's all in my head, and even though I mean them no harm, I still sometimes wish that this is normal. Even though it shouldn't be. If only I could somehow stop reminding myself, maybe it goes away, except it never does. Months, years afterwards, it's always the same. All that can be done is make a face, grimace, punch a table or the nearest keyboard, whispering "damn" so that nobody can hear me. And yet they stay...

1 comment:

moontalk said...

absolutely can relate to wat u said...sometimes on certain really weird days, i wonder if all that happened in the apst is some bizzare creation of my own imagination...cant forget any pf it but...wonder how my memory, which is as gud as a leaky couldron in an exam hall, can store so many bits of things...